Terrible Movies: A New Holiday Tradition

This past weekend, some friends and I participated in a new, but beloved, holiday tradition of ours - Terrible Movie Night! Now, before the Christmas police get all up in arms, I call this a holiday tradition because we also get together for Terrible Movie Night on Columbus Day, the 4th of July and Superbowl Sunday. I guess it's maybe stretching things to call that last a holiday, but it happens to fall at approximately the right time of year for a quarterly (ish) event. Also, most of the movies we watch are actually only terrible if the audience is made up primarily of scientists and engineers. Indeed, many are entertaining and with great special effects... and absolutely dreadful science.

Exhibit A of entertaining but scientifically disastrous is the movie 2012. You know it's really just an excuse to smash and destroy things digitally when they haul out mutant neutrinos (now with special microwave properties!) to explain the end of the world. When you throw in an audience that included an atmospheric physicist, an astronomer, a geologist and assorted engineers, it's like MST3K, only live, and nerdier.

The second movie of the night was the honestly, truly dreadful Star Wars Holiday Special. This is easily the most horrible thing lurking in the back of the Star Wars franchise closet. How bad is it? Well, it originally aired in 1978 and has never, to my knowledge, re-aired since. It is not available on DVD, VHS, or indeed any other sanctioned media. Finding a copy took months and a trip to a very sketchy back alley in Boston. It was worth it, though, because this turkey is really, really, incredibly terrible. Some of the gang were convinced that, had it gone on any longer, their eyes may actually have started bleeding. As a warning to those tempted to go out and find a copy of their own - this is not a "so bad its good" kind of movie. It is pure, unadulterated badness.

One of the reasons we limit Terrible Movie Night to two features is so that we can also throw in a pot luck dinner. This time around, I seized the opportunity to do some baking. I love baking, and I love eating baked things, but when you live alone, it's just a caloric nightmare to make a batch of cookies, cupcakes or whatever just for you. It's an easy thing, though, to put aside a small baggie of goodies (one cupcake, and 2 of each kind of cookie) for personal enjoyment. Leftovers went to the office today, spreading the joy, etc.

After a day of recovery, we are still willing to proceed on to our next movie night. We're trying to decide what is highest on our must see (and ridicule) list - perhaps the inanely classic "The Core"? Or maybe one of the lesser known titles in the immortal Attack of the Killer Tomatoes cannon (say, the delightfully surreal Killer Tomatoes Eat France)? Who knows where our journeys into the underbelly of cinema will take us next, particularly given our current list of nominations runs to some 3 powerpoint slides (yes, we are THAT geeky). So far, The Star Wars Holiday Special is the undisputed leader in the "worst movie ever made" contest. No prize but bragging rights for the winner.

In other news, the year is winding down and it is almost time for another fabulous December tradition - the Girl's Weekend. Of course, most of the girls are married and two now have children, which makes the weekend that much more of a treasured event - a few last days of sanity before the full bore holiday madness descends. We're heading to San Juan, Puerto Rico this year. I haven't actually used Living Social for a hotel before, but Lil found a great deal for us, so here's hoping it goes well.

Spam is not free speech

The internet is very possibly the greatest technology invented in the 20th century (yes, including manned flight), but as it has evolved into the worlds largest shopping mall / school yard there have been some undesirable additions. Spam isn't the worst of these, but it is symptomatic of the worst: the commercialization of EVERY aspect of people's lives.

The worst kind of spam, IMO, is spam text messages because, bluntly, I should not have to pay for someone's stupid insurance advertisement. Or a political one. Which brings me to ccAdvertising, which not only is trying to get spam filters declared illegal (as an infringement of their free speech rights, because they apparently can't read), but had the nerve to declare "it is proper that recipients bear some cost of unsolicited political speech sent to their cell phones". Yes, America, it has come down to this - some people are so sleazy, they actually said this in a public document. It can be seen (and for a short while commented on) via the FCC. 

Now, it happens that I actively hate advertising. It's emotionally manipulative, it's crass, it's shallow, and it's annoying. Obviously, I'm not one of those people who watches the Super Bowl to see the commercials. I can accept, though, that many people are weird enough to confuse their personal identity with what brands they use. I cannot accept, however, being harassed on my cell phone (or, indeed, on my landline) by advertisers. I pay for these services, so I should be able to control who uses them - pretty basic principal. If I pay for a car and someone drives off in it without my permission, it's theft. I see use of my phone lines without permission in precisely the same way. 

Which brings me to the whole "violation of a company's constitutional rights" thing. Newsflash, the first amendment doesn't guarantee absolute freedom of speech - it prohibits Congress (the federal government) from restricting individual rights. Specifically, it says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances". It doesn't say that advertising under the guise of speech can be forced on people against their will by a private company. Nor does it say that a private individual cannot refuse to listen to your speech (which is, in essence, what spam filters and the Do Not Call list do). I can only hope that there is enough sanity left in this country that this odious, vile, thieving excuse for a company is soundly slapped down.

Also, companies like Amazon (and, yes, Google) need to think about how they profile people. For example, 8 years ago now, some friends and I were pulling together some gifts for a friend that included some of her favorite books - romance novels. I am not a fan of the bodice ripper genre. Never was. And ever since, Amazon insists on recommending these dreadful books for me. I've gone in and told their algorithm that these stupid books were gifts, told it I wasn't interested in any of its selections, etc. yet these things are apparently ineradicable. So, I've started tagging all of Amazon's steamy-novel-filled adverts as spam. I love to read, and am a very regular Amazon customer, but they would get a lot more business if they gave me recommendations that there was a snowballs chance in hell that I might actually, well, enjoy.

There is NO Shortage of Engineers

Another week, another near hysterical article about how there is a desperate shortage of engineers. I hate those articles. Really, truly loath them. If you look at the numbers, and engineers are supposed to be numbers people, we are now producing a greater number, and a higher percentage of engineers since the post-Sputnik years of the 1960s. So why, exactly, do companies keep hysterically shrieking to the pols about the coming engineer shortage/apocalypse? Well, it is 2012...

Seriously, though, the answer is simple - they don't want to pay for decent salaries. Now, I realize that the more money spent on engineer salaries, the less money available for executive bonuses, but I also realize exactly how much money my employer stands to earn from my most recent patent. They're not hurting for cash, and the ROI for my salary is probably on the order of 600:1. I easily pay for myself, hell, I easily pay for my self at 10 times the cost. I got a handsome paper certificate and informed that due to the "financial climate" they have eliminated bonuses for things like coming up with patentable algorithms that they can turn around and market for millions and millions of dollars.

Assuming I don't stay in design engineering, that will make me the 94th of 94 of my college classmates to earn an engineering degree and then go do something else with it. Maybe I'm a slow learner, although I do get to (legally) blow things up with some regularity, so there are perks. Honestly, the company is not doing me a favor by asking me to spend 7 weeks away from family and friends to babysit a $300 million experiment. Rather the opposite, really, since, while Idaho is lovely (really, no sarcasm, it is) in the summer, it's not exactly my favorite place to go in the winter. My favorite place in winter is somewhere like, oh, Puerto Rico or Hawaii. I don't really "do" freezing cold with snow up to my nostrils voluntarily.

At least they've given up on that whole "kids don't like engineering because it doesn't seem cool" piece of nonsense because, honestly, there was never a shortage of tax accountants or insurance adjustors or logistics officers and those jobs (while challenging and interesting to do) don't sound cool to a 10 year old either.

Do I regret majoring in engineering, no. But if I graduated knowing what I know now, would I ever have gone to work in my industry? Not a chance. So, next time you see some old man on TV bellowing about the shortage of engineers and how we're falling behind and the world is ending, remember this: Google, which is a major tech company with all different sorts of engineers working for them on a galaxy of products, has no problem hiring qualified people. Why? Because it makes itself an attractive place to work. If other employers did the same, they too would find that terrible shortage evaporate. After all, in the absence of other factors, a young person smart and disciplined enough to earn a degree in engineering is smart and disciplined enough to know that "work here for low pay and mediocre benefits" just isn't a very attractive sales pitch.

On the plus side, the next time I'm scheduled to go to Idaho, it will be summer and my foot should be healed. I'll definitely have to go hiking!

Black Friday? More like Blah Friday

Every year, my family gets together for a trio of Thanksgiving traditions - we play rugby on the lawn, a game we picked up courtesy of a long ago exchange student, then we eat a massive dinner followed by enough desserts to sink an aircraft carrier, then all the women plan their Black Friday shopping (reconvening the next morning to actually shop).

Just personally, I think that Thanksgiving should be a day for enjoying the good things in your life. What it shouldn't mean is running off to work immediately after (or possibly during) dinner so that stores can open on Thanksgiving instead of waiting a few more hours until Friday. Putting it mildly, I do not approve of the decision that some stores made to open that early, so I decided not to shop at any of them. Not on Black Friday and not for any of the rest of my holiday shopping. My two cents.

Anyway, in a good year there are some fantastic bargains on Black Friday and I do a large fraction of my holiday shopping that day, and pick up something for me (this year, I was jonesing for a new camera). Not this year. Oh, the prices weren't bad. But they didn't motivate me to get up before the crack of dawn to go shopping either. My general rule of thumb is that unless I'm going to save over $400, then I go strictly as logistics support for the family. Which happens more often than not, really, I don't really need a lot of stuff, and most of the things I do wind up buying for other people, I can get online anyway.

Normally I'm the "runner" - they go in and get straight on line and I go gather whatever. I only made it through about 6 stores before my foot started reminding me that it's still technically broken. After that, I claimed a bench in the mall and everyone left their purchases with me so they could keep shopping unburdened by bags. As it got later in the morning, right around 7 am, the bags and I were sent off on a special assignment to pick up several Nook e-Readers at Barnes and Noble. Let me say, B & N handled things wonderfully well. They handed out tickets for the Nook that guaranteed you however many Nooks you had tickets for. Since all the Nooks are behind the counter, that meant you could sit in your (warm) car and wait for the store to open, then browse around until the initial line went down, re-caffinate at the Starbucks, and still get the Doorbuster.

Overall, it wasn't a bad day, but I'm feeling some rather strong ennui. I am looking forward to our upcoming annual Girl's Weekend. Maybe that will snap me out of my blahs. Hopefully, I'll find a new camera by then.

Wonder Bread No More

The newspapers today announced the end of an era. Hostess is liquidating in bankruptcy. While I am not one of the people they interviewed, who were stocking up on Twinkies and Snowballs and assorted other cream-filled treats, I am sorry to hear this news. Something like 18,000 people are going to lose their jobs, which to me is more of an issue than the fact that I will no longer be able to buy my own rarely indulged bad habit, Funny Bones (because who doesn't like chocolate and peanut butter?).

By all accounts, Hostess was done in by a combination the rise of militant anti-junk food crusaders (ahem, Mayor Bloomberg), poor management, and a supremely ill-timed strike. The managers didn't get the job done their first round through bankruptcy, so they wound up filing twice in something like 3 years. Not good leadership, but they still got paid, because that's how Corporatism (which is not the same as capitalism) works. On the other side, the Baker's union decided to go on strike. Now, I can completely understand being angry that they're asking for another pay cut from workers who've already given up a lot, but the Teamster's (who had someone look at the company's books) agreed to the contract because the alternative was the end of Hostess. Sometimes, management isn't just bluffing. So now, instead of a steep pay cut, all those people will face a total pay cut. And only a month before the holidays.

The third leg of this tripod of oblivion is, of course, the War on Obesity, which, frankly, is getting really tedious and absurd. I'm not saying that obesity isn't an issue, both for individuals and society. I just think things are getting out of hand, and that all of these draconian moves aren't actually accomplishing very much. For instance, one of our local high schools recently announced with great fanfare that they were banning unhealthy drinks and snacks. So, no sodas, no candy, no Twinkies. But if you walk into the store, you'll see racks and racks of sports drinks. I'm a fairly active person. I've done a number of 5k runs, I've done charity walks (3 - 60 miles), and before I broke my foot I played adult league soccer, which I hope to get back to. The only time I've needed a sports drink was playing soccer full tilt in July. Some kid walking around school needs a sports drink as much as they need a soda - they're roughly equivalent in calories and you just don't need electrolytes, etc. in your normal daily life (unless you play pro sports or something).

As a kid, my mother was into whole grain bread way before it was fashionable. I wasn't allowed to eat sugary cereals, and we only had sodas in the house for parties. In addition to these good habits, my mother was also a serial yo-yo dieter who once passed out in church after eating nothing but grapefruit for a week and a half. As an adult, I think I live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I mostly cook my own food from scratch, I still eat whole-grain bread, my favorite cereal is Special K and I work out almost every day. If I want a coke, though, or some ring dings, or to eat an old fashioned peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread, I'm an adult so that should be my call. After all, if I consume too many calories then I need to worry about fitting into my jeans, but there is no way for those calories to magically jump across to someone else.

Anyway, something tells me we haven't seen the last Twinkie, Ho Ho or Ring Ding but I suspect at least most of those 18,000 jobs are gone for good.

Time to Fall Back

It is just barely 5 pm east coast time and it is full night courtesy of the annual end of daylight savings time. It is also, apparently, Halloween at least as far as trick or treating is concerned. As I did not get that memo, I have no candy (I spent most of actual Halloween in the San Francisco airport) so I am vastly obliged to all those parents and children who respect the fact that I don't have my porch light on and do not ring my doorbell - I'm hobbling along much better these days, but am still not up for standing in the door explaining that I don't have any candy to a disappointed 4 year old.

Not that I entirely let the fact that I was in about the least creepy / spooky place imaginable entirely put a damper on my Halloween Spirit - thus I am happy to present a Halloween Coconut (thanks, chief!).

Now, for those who are tempted to complain that it is not a real jack-o-lantern, well, you do have a point there. But by the same token, some people think the original tradition involved putting a candle inside of a carved gourd or turnip, so a coconut is just the latest in a fine tradition of local substitutions.

I am back in the USA, at long, long last, and having a bit of reverse-culture shock. There are so many people! There are so many cars! It's bloody freezing! I am also feeling just a teensy bit sorry for myself as I unpack my suitcase, do my laundry and settle in for two months of gimping around in the cold and darkness waiting to find out what sort of surgery I have to have in December. It is my hope that, whichever option I wind up having to go with, the recovery afterwards is quick since I am not well suited for sitting around and taking it easy.

On that note, I've decided I hate basically my entire house and am planning to spend the late winter and spring doing some rather extensive remodeling. Planning it will take a while, but at the moment I have the time since what ELSE am I going to do. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm really looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Seeing the same four walls gets old.

Something else I'm looking forward to - election day. At this point, I just want the whole circus to be over. I got home and my inbox was totally full with election related calls and every day that I've been back it's been call after call after call - vote for this candidate, take our poll, give money to that candidate, blah, blah, blah. Leave me alone already! There is nothing a phone call can possibly say that will persuade me to vote for a candidate I have previously decided to vote against, and an unsolicited call may very well persuade me to leave part of the ballot blank rather than vote for a candidate who would otherwise have had my support. And, since I know you sell the poll results, you can bloody well stop calling me unless you're planning to pay me for my time. I've started just hanging up on people. I know, I know, it's rude but then, so is harassing someone at home with unsolicited phone calls.

Tropical Storms

We all have good days and bad days, or in my particular case, good months and bad months. October 2012 is most definitely a bad month. First I break my foot (no more running for at least 3 months, grrrrr) then my 2.5 week business trip becomes 1.5 months and then I wind up all moony over one of my colleagues. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Fortunately, while there's nothing I can do about the foot or the business trip, I have kept the hormone problems strictly to myself (well, obviously except this, and I am not naming names).

On the plus side, I have a TON of new frequent flier miles. I'm thinking I might have to spend some time planning a long delayed trip to Australia soon... because 650k + miles is easily enough to make it there in first class. I'm hoping to find a seat at a decent time of year on Air New Zealand, so I can arrange a stopover.

Before I get too deep into planning a future vacation, I must sadly confess to having to have to cancel my hiking trip this year. I broke my foot in late September and have been told it's a 3 month recovery period and probable surgery to fix (don't ask how I broke it, it's an incredibly long story). Unfortunately, some friends and I were planning to hike the Grand Canyon rim to river to rim on the North and South Kaibab trails this year. Had reservations at Phantom Ranch too (so we could spend a few days down at the river). I have been looking forward to that trip all year. It was my reward to me for the assignment from hell this year. So, of course, less than a month before I'm supposed to lace up my hiking boots, I have to cancel out. I was training and everything. *grumbles* They offered to cancel with me, but I couldn't do that to them, so gang I hope it's every bit as wonderful as I remember.

Somewhat after the fact, I discovered that my current business trip was being extended. By 3 weeks. So I am now stuck in the absolute back of beyond / middle of nowhere. It's actually rather pretty around here, but entertainment options in a walking cast are... limited. Fortunately, I've been doing a lot of swimming (it's good for rehab and keeps me from going nuts sitting around being broken). Alas, though, today I seem to have picked up the office cold. At least, that's what I hope it is, as something more serious does NOT appeal right now.

And to my last little problem, I am going to chalk the whole thing up to extreme isolation combined with significant fatigue from attempting to recover from a major injury while working 19 hour days and hope the whole thing is soon nothing but a surreal memory.

Next up on the to-do list: schedule surgery, prep for Puerto Rico (even if it has to be on crutches, I am going on the girls' annual weekend!), stop daydreaming inappropriately during business hours.